It's the same every year: They come, they eat, they leave.

It's general conference priesthood session again. This means that hordes of men and boys in white shirts descend on the local eateries at about 8:05 (except for those few who skip out before the closing prayer). I always feel sorry for any women who haven't cleared out by then--or those poor folks driving by on I-15 who think it might be good just to stop off at the Cracker Barrel in Springville. It must look like a convention for 12-year-old IRS agents.

Unless you want to be seriously standing in line, you need a strategy. First, you need to arrive early--not to get a good seat but to get a good parking spot. Parking parallel on the street is best, as long as you don't have to walk very far. Otherwise, park as close to the door as possible, facing out. On principle, we stay through the closing prayer and always stay to put away a few chairs before dashing out the door. There are always those who leave right after the last speaker. Not only does this violate my sense of fair play--we also end up putting away their chairs!

We make our way quickly to our car and head out, careful to drive safely and courteously and to observe all traffic laws. Don't even think about JCW's. It's not only popular, but across town, which means you have to somehow get there sooner than those whose church buildings are actually closer. Also, forget Chili's. I guarantee that it is still overrun with women at 8:05. (Zuppa's is way out--on many levels. "Guess where we're going, boys!") We tried Arctic Circle once, but then we were battling the Lehi crowd.

Our tradition (having been there twice now) is Asian Buffet in American Fork. We're trying to keep this to ourselves, but apparently word is out. It was crowded, but they were prepared. They had us all seated quickly, and since it's a buffet, everyone gets their food right away. We even had a coupon. And the food is really good too. The signs over the buffet items are handwritten on 3X5 cards in both English (sometimes "Engrish") and Chinese--always a good sign. Every one who works there is also Asian, and there is a fair amount of chatter in Chinese. It looks like they actually cook the food on site, rather than having a Sysco truck drive up with generic Chinese American. In addition to a wide range of Chinese options, there is a decent sushi bar and Mongolian barbecue. They have excellent pastries, and ice cream. One of my sons had nine desserts. And even though it was crowded, the service was great. They keep your drinks filled, and I've never seen anyone clear a table so fast. They obviously make their money on volume.

There were a few confused folks who must have been from out of town, but mostly it was a sea of white shirts (in a range of sizes).

I wonder what the folks who work there think. Have they figured out the semiannual nature of this horde of Mormon crickets? Or does it just look like every man and boy in town decided to get dressed up and eat out at exactly the same time? Whatever it was, by 9:00 it's all over. (We would have still be in line at Chili's.)

Wei to Go

One of the popular trends in dining out is what some call "fast casual dining." This lies somewhere between "fast food" (McDonalds in its many incarnations) and sit-down casual restaurants such as Chili's, Applebee's, or TGI Friday's. A fast casual dining restaurant typically offers restaurant-quality food but without a table service. These are particularly popular here in Utah, where diners are notoriously bad tippers.

Fast casual includes popular places such as Noodles and Co., Rumbi Island Grill, or one of my favorites--Pei Wei (pronounced "pay way").

Pei Wei is a fast-casual version of P. F. Chang's China Bistro. The food is good, but a lot faster and less expensive than it's full-service sister. Most dishes range from $6.75 to 8.25--$9.00 at the top end if you're having shrimp. With a combo meal at the local fast food place running about $5.00, you can upgrade your meal considerably by checking out a fast casual place.

I like the Orange Peel Chicken or the Spicy Korean Beef. I've also tried the Chicken Pad Thai. AnneMarie usually gets the Dan Dan Noodles with chicken. (She needs to find something between mild and medium on the spiciness scale.) As starters, they offer the lettuce wraps that everyone seems to want to get at P.F. Chang's. We haven't tried those for some reason, but we usually get an order of spring rolls.

Right now the closest P. F. Chang's is in Sandy, near the South Towne Center.

The Whistle Wok

The Whistle Wok may be the world's only Chinese take-out/dine-in restaurant with a railroad theme.

The Whistle Wok actually began life as The Whistle Stop, a sandwich and ice cream place. As in the Dairy Keen in Heber City, there was a model train than ran around a track at the top of the walls near the ceiling. There were also pictures of trains on the wall.

I don't remember ever going to the Whistle Stop, and it didn't last long. But the Chinese place that replaced it has become an American Fork institution. I suppose it was to save money, but the new owners just changed the name from Whistle Stop to Whistle Wok and kept the train theme. (The pictures on the wall and the model train and tracks are still there, but I've never seen the train running.) They also continue to serve ice cream.

The Whistle Wok does a brisk business. The food is typical Chinese American fare: garlic beef, sweet and sour pork, General Tso's chicken, orange chicken, cashew chicken, egg rolls, won tons, etc. Occasionally, they'll have something a little unique (like the sesame-paste pineapple dumplings they were handing out tonight). But most of it is just what you would find at similar places (including Panda Express or Smith's in AF). And it's cheap. In addition, where else can you get hand-scooped ice cream to go with your kung pow chicken? With ice cream, trains, noodles, and finger foods, it's a great place for kids.

We go on occasion when AnneMarie gets a craving for hot and sour soup. Their soup needs to be hotter and more sour, but it's still pretty good for $1.69. It's the perfect remedy for when AM has a cold. It also brings back fond memories of going with her mother to the popular Golden Gate in Mesa, Arizona, which has great hot and sour soup. (I also liked their lemon chicken.)

The Whistle Wok tried to open a second location on the west side of American Fork over by Sears in what would seem like a better location, but perhaps one Whistle Wok is enough.

Ono Kaukau

Utah has a pretty strong connection to the Islands, to Hawaii in particular. It seems like everyone you meet there (whether they're LDS or not) has an auntie who lives in West Valley City. As a result of this, Hawaiian places here in Utah have come and gone, particularly in strip malls, where rents are relatively cheap.

Opening a restaurant has been an important part of the immigrant experience in this country, but I've noticed that if you want to try out one of these places, you have to be quick, because many are gone pretty quickly. (A good example is Tiki’s Island Eats, which I happened to visit for lunch before it disappeared. I think it's now a Thai restaurant.)

Here's the real Hawaiian experience. Last summer I was on a long bike ride with the Scouts from our troop. On a Saturday afternoon, we were riding on Geneva Road down by the Provo boat harbor and road past a place where a family had set up a grill and was selling "plate lunches" in their own driveway. (I didn't have time to stop, so I'll have to see if I can track them down this summer.)

What is a plate lunch? It's a traditional Hawaiian take-away lunch that includes some kind of meat, a couple of scoops of rice, and a scoop of either macaroni salad or potato salad. These were historically prepared for workers in the field. In Hawaii these are often served out of a little shack with a couple of picnic tables out in front (painted white). Made to travel, they are usually served in a styrofoam clamshell container.

In addition to someone's driveway, Provo offers a few other options. The Aloha Grill is a relatively new Hawaiian place located in the huge retail area on the Southwest corner of State Street and University Avenue in Orem. It's in the location of the former Durango Grill (home of the "burango" and some pretty good chicken tortilla soup). This is a local place where they offer traditional Hawaiian plate lunches. There are handwritten signs taped to the walls ("soda" or "restrooms" with arrows making sure you don't confuse the two). They kept the original Mexican decor and just added some pan-Asian/pacific island tchotchkes. The food was OK, not great, but it did come served on a banana leaf, and the people working there were friendly. But I was surprised to see that kalua pork was an off-menu item. We had kalua pork with cabbage and some deep fried Mahi Mahi (with two "shrimps"). Their menu offered several other barbecue selections along with saimin, a Hawaiian variation on ramen.

The Bamboo Hut in Provo has a pretty loyal following, but my favorite is L&L. Although this is a chain, it's a Hawaiian chain, found throughout the islands (at 52 locations). And the older L&L restaurants offer some local variety. This is where you'll find the real deal. (If you're visiting the temple or BYU-H in Laie, make sure you stop off at the L&L.) In addition to plate lunches, you'll find laulau, BBQ short ribs, loco moco, chicken katsu (one of my favs), saimin, and spam musubi (a Hawaiian variation on sushi). For dessert you can get malasadas, the Portuguese-style doughnuts that are usually sold out of vans or trailers. For those without a sense of adventure, they have hamburgers.

Want to have your own luau? Bamboo Hut and L&L offer catering, and you can also order items from BYU catering's "islander buffet": kalua pork, shoyu chicken, long rice, sweet and sour chicken, lomi lomi salmon, and guava sheet cake. Now that's ono kau kau ("oh no, cow cow," which means "delicious food").

We've also learned that you don't need an imu (underground oven) to make kalua pork at home. Just buy a couple of pork shoulders, add lots of salt and some liquid smoke and wrap these in foil. Stick them in a roaster oven for several hours, pull the meat, and add more liquid smoke and sea salt (as needed, to taste). Eat some for dinner and put the rest in the fridge or freezer. This is a good use of your turkey roaster after Thanksgiving.

Maybe this summer I'll start selling it out of my driveway.

Soy Salsa

Tonight we picked up some food at Panda Express in Pleasant Grove. I've noticed that most of the people behind the counter at this and other Chinese restaurants in the area are hispanic. I heard the nice young man who helped us ask one party if they wanted "soy salsa."

This reminded me of the comic strip Baldo. Baldo says, "I like this Chinese restaurant because it is very authentic." The next panel shows that they probably serve soy salsa. Baldo says, "Authentic . . . with a Latin flavor."