It's the same every year: They come, they eat, they leave.

It's general conference priesthood session again. This means that hordes of men and boys in white shirts descend on the local eateries at about 8:05 (except for those few who skip out before the closing prayer). I always feel sorry for any women who haven't cleared out by then--or those poor folks driving by on I-15 who think it might be good just to stop off at the Cracker Barrel in Springville. It must look like a convention for 12-year-old IRS agents.

Unless you want to be seriously standing in line, you need a strategy. First, you need to arrive early--not to get a good seat but to get a good parking spot. Parking parallel on the street is best, as long as you don't have to walk very far. Otherwise, park as close to the door as possible, facing out. On principle, we stay through the closing prayer and always stay to put away a few chairs before dashing out the door. There are always those who leave right after the last speaker. Not only does this violate my sense of fair play--we also end up putting away their chairs!

We make our way quickly to our car and head out, careful to drive safely and courteously and to observe all traffic laws. Don't even think about JCW's. It's not only popular, but across town, which means you have to somehow get there sooner than those whose church buildings are actually closer. Also, forget Chili's. I guarantee that it is still overrun with women at 8:05. (Zuppa's is way out--on many levels. "Guess where we're going, boys!") We tried Arctic Circle once, but then we were battling the Lehi crowd.

Our tradition (having been there twice now) is Asian Buffet in American Fork. We're trying to keep this to ourselves, but apparently word is out. It was crowded, but they were prepared. They had us all seated quickly, and since it's a buffet, everyone gets their food right away. We even had a coupon. And the food is really good too. The signs over the buffet items are handwritten on 3X5 cards in both English (sometimes "Engrish") and Chinese--always a good sign. Every one who works there is also Asian, and there is a fair amount of chatter in Chinese. It looks like they actually cook the food on site, rather than having a Sysco truck drive up with generic Chinese American. In addition to a wide range of Chinese options, there is a decent sushi bar and Mongolian barbecue. They have excellent pastries, and ice cream. One of my sons had nine desserts. And even though it was crowded, the service was great. They keep your drinks filled, and I've never seen anyone clear a table so fast. They obviously make their money on volume.

There were a few confused folks who must have been from out of town, but mostly it was a sea of white shirts (in a range of sizes).

I wonder what the folks who work there think. Have they figured out the semiannual nature of this horde of Mormon crickets? Or does it just look like every man and boy in town decided to get dressed up and eat out at exactly the same time? Whatever it was, by 9:00 it's all over. (We would have still be in line at Chili's.)